So....it's been a long while since I last posted something...
I believe, without looking, my last post was about trying out the Paleo Diet...
Well, that didn't last long...not because I didn't follow through, but so much was going on at the time--marathon training and running stuff, teaching stuff, photography stuff, motherhood stuff, health stuff, Beachbody stuff...you name it, I was well overwhelmed.
I felt like I was drowning and the harder I paddled, the deeper I sank.
But today, at the end of November, I feel better--not great, mind you, but better. To make a very long story short, I managed to gain over 10 pounds in two months. Not muscle. Part of it might be my thyroid (on medication for that again), but it is taking a lot of hard work to try to get it off. I mean, I am less than 3 months away from turning 44 and probably entering into perimenopause. My body doesn't like to let go of things like it used to when I was much younger.
The exasperating part is that just a couple of months ago, I was lean, weighing in at 123 pounds. I have trained for and run 2 full marathons, 2 half marathons, and a couple of smaller runs in the last 2 months. I am ACTIVE, but today, I weigh 132. I know that to some, THAT is a small number, and I agree that I am by no means overweight, but for ME and MY body, that is a higher number. I don't fit into my clothes...at all. I feel sluggish and just not-so-good. I can take that number on the scale if other parts of me indicated that that is where I should be. But that's not how it is.
It gets very frustrating at times. I eat clean, I work out, I run. I don't drink my calories, and the weight just wants to hang there. I cry, I pout, I get angry and mad and exasperated. I allow myself to feel depressed (something I struggle with CONSTANTLY). I yell at my family when they do things I don't like. All because I don't like the way I look and feel.
That's not good.
And the super sad part of it all is that I didn't appreciate where I was when I was at 123 pounds. I never saw the good parts of me; I was always focused on what needed to be improved. Perhaps that's part of the lesson I need to learn here...
I have gone back and forth about how much of my journey to share with people. Sometimes I feel like I share too much. I mean, I am not obese; I am not fighting as big a battle as others. I am still relatively healthy (I have Lupus but am currently off my meds for that). But then I think about how MY struggle is MY struggle, and MY journey is MY journey. Too often I think we isolate ourselves and believe that everyone else has a better life going on than we do. So we suffer alone. Maybe by sharing my journey--my struggles and lowlights and successes and highlights and everything in between--someone somewhere will feel less lonely.
And maybe I will start to see the good in ALL my stages of life and feel less isolated myself.
So, without delving too much into what has transpired in the last couple of months, I vow to start fresh here on this blog TODAY. I plan to post things about my fitness ventures, my diet and meal plan and recipes, my thoughts on life in general as I read a variety of personal development books, and maybe my little family adventures.
If you are interested in following along, I would love to have you. Perhaps together, we can make this life of ours more manageable and enjoyable!
Until next time, peace out my friends!
